i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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