if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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