Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
