I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
