that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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