wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
