I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
