And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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