Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
