Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
