Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
