I think i peed on brittanys purse
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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