Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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