Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
