he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
