Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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