batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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