It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
