walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
