It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my sisters under your porch take her home
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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