yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just tell him i said nine months
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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