true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
