Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
