Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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