OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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