He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
