not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
