Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i now understand why vodka
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
