Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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