We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
