life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
