your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
