So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
