Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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