Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
