honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
