Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
