I'm passing your future prison.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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