Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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