hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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