the condom got lost in my hair
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
