You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
