ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
