Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
