need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
