I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
