moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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