I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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