She is in my trunk
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
