My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
