I faked an abortion last night.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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