i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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