And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
