I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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