420 ftw
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
