hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
