we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
