My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
